53599 replies to this topic

[Dylan]

Me leave Sri Lanka now. Baiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Epic plane rides A380 though!

[B4TT]

LOL cool... Aren't A380's the ones that keep crashing and just failing? Keep safe dude, hope its a safe ride home

[Soop]

They've been trying to avoid Dylan.

[Blaeven]

Me leave Sri Lanka now.

Baiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. Epic plane rides A380 though!

good luck man...

[ams]

Arggh frikken *YAWN* FB account offline for maintenance... ****.

[Soop]

Hahaha, took me a couple of goes to get that one. f*cken kiwi's.

HAIIIII



THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY
MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE



AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF
BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T.STOP IT AND THAT
IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS
CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE
THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND
HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK,
GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TOHER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND
ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE
ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS
INTO HIS SHORTS


SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL
TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM
AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE
WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING,
TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM
BACK PRETTY GOOD..

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS
BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT
HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER.

HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED
ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY
GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I
GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

[B4TT]

LOL I love that Joke! LOL Chully Buns, I was paying out my mates missus today about Chully Buns (she is Kiwi)

[ams]

Anyone with a few spare mins, just brush up on your enemy.

http://www.cracked.c...ake-in-a-fight/

[B4TT]

Good life saving information that. never know when I may need to fight a dinosaur

[Scuba-Roo]

Anger Management When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying 'Hello.' I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?' Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn 's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an *******!' and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word '*******' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an *******!' It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my theraputic '*******' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?' He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an *******!' and hung up.. One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW *******, too. I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it is..' I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax .. It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.' I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,' I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.' I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' He said, 'Yes?' I said, 'Don, you're an *******!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea... I called ******* #1. He said, 'Hello.' I said, 'You're an *******!' (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, 'Are you still there?' I said, 'Yeah!' He screamed, 'Stop calling me,' I said, 'Make me,' He asked, 'Who are you?' I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.' He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?' I said, '*******, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.' He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.' I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******,' and hung up. Then I called ******* #2. He said, 'Hello?' I said, 'Hello, *******,' He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...' I said, 'You'll what?' He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,' I answered, 'Well, *******, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now.' Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

[Matt]

hahaha thats gold...

[ams]

AAaaahhhhhh.......tfit.

[Dylan]

ohh bru. thanks alex bru. the chilly bun will be awesome ey bru. I made it safe home everyone, A380 is epic fail though - had 2 problems haha, one at Singapore and one at Sydney ;X

[B4TT]

I rikey that story YAY my front and rear HD Swaybars have arrived cant wait to get home and fit them, couldn't be assed waiting to do it in the parents workshop so will attempt it on the ground in true backyard mechanic style

[ams]

ohh bru. thanks alex bru. the chilly bun will be awesome ey bru.

I made it safe home everyone, A380 is epic fail though - had 2 problems haha, one at Singapore and one at Sydney ;X

tfit = thank fu*k its Tuesday = pub Tuesday.

Best day of the week.

[CRUISN]

Drive to Import Monster for goodies. Nice Drive back to work in 2nd @ 40km/h after auto shits itself on the freeway. Not Nice.

[N/A_EJ22]

Ah what goodies did u get at IM? Dude that sucks! What happened? Just cruising along and bang? Havnt been doing sick hekkas neutral bombs have you? Haha. Can i sence 6 speed goodness? EDIT: Just read your other thread. Doesnt sound like its terminal from the responses youve got. Good luck buddy!

[CRUISN]

Just replacement monsoons. Yeh just cruising @ 80km/h, then speeding up easily in the 100 zone.

[B4TT]

Yay fitted my adjustable front and rear sway bars is the goods 22mm on front and 20mm on rear, enough to not be over the top and still enough to make a noticeable difference. Sits flatter through the corners so I am stoked