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A man loses his eye in the war and gets a wooden one made up to fill hole. He is a little paranoid about it but decidea to go to the Pub. Ends up meeting a girl who is really nice and beautiful except for a birth defect where her mouth sits sideways. He asks her if shed like a drink and she replies "I'd been an idiot to knock that offer back, wouldn't I" The one eyed man then replies, quite annoyed, "don't call me wooden eye, ***** face"