8897 replies to this topic

[DukeNik'em]

Those are problems I face everyday.


It's no laughing matter.

[ams]

[DukeNik'em]

Hahaha solid Amsy.



In an unrelated matter, how can I download the entire NSFW thread for deployment?

[B4TT]

Nice work

[Morgan]

Diesel Mondeo is diesel






Who puts an exposes steering column right where my foot is?

[DukeNik'em]

Funny Things to do on an Airplane
All ideas on this page were emailed to me by Frances.

1. At the airport, wear a uniform and claim you are the pilot, get annoyed if they don't believe you but DONT give up, see how far you can get ( WARNING, may result in you being arrested)

2. Whilst boarding the plane, say in a loud voice "THAT WING SURE DOES LOOK RUSTY!!"

3. When everyone is seated, do your own demonstration of what to do in an emergency, let this include 'comical' situations such as "in the (likely) event of the plane setting alight and becoming a plummeting fireball of death, please remember to tighten your seatbelt" look surprised when you are the only one laughing.

4. when the plane is still on the ground, Rock back and forth in your seat and say aloud "THIS TURBULANCE SURE IS ROUGH!!"

5. Wear rags and a headscarf, claim that your name is Svetolafoson Frojhkyhkjuhjdj and that you are being deported back to Estonia, look pleased when your told that this plane is not going there. say "Really?!, u haf not met me if zey ask zen, ok?!"

6. As the plane is landing, adopt the 'Duck and Cover' position as you scream "WE ARE GOING TO CRASH! ONLY DEATH AWAITS US ALL meow! DEATH I TELLS YA!!!!" when you land safely, stand up and leave the plane normally, thank the stewardess for a lovely flight.



7. Go in to the toilet and make loud vomiting noises, keep going for a few minutes, then come out and announce to the plane that the toilet is blocked, act like its not your fault.

8. Stand up and ask the passengers if anyone " wants to join the mile high club with you?" wink suggestively at various people...of both sexes.

9. Get the pilot to show you round the cockpit, come out afterwards and say "YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGH HE COULD FLY THE PLANE AFTER SO MUCH VODKA BUT IT JUST SHOWS, THEY REALLY ARE TRUE PROFESIONALS!".

10. Delight your fellow passengers with your impression of a plane crashing in to the sea, complete with sound effects.

11. Enthrall your companions on the plane by telling them that you knew the pilot of Buddy Holly's plane and you're pretty sure he trained at the same place as your current pilot.

12. Give a fact filled guide of the area you are flying over, this can include " And if you look to your right you will see the wreckage of our sister plane, after she was shot at and subsequently crashed in to that mountain side which, as you can see, her burnt out hull remains embedded in, the bodies were never found.'

13. Streak.

14. Occasionally scream........loudly.

15. Get up and announce that you are going to hi-jack the plane, make to get out a gun, but act like its not there, check all your pockets and then say " OH CRAP, I MUST HAVE LEFT IT IN THE OTHER COAT, OK, NEVER MIND!" Sit down like nothing has happened.

16. From the second you take off, every ten seconds say in the same voice "are we there yet?"

17. Keep sniffing around and eventually say in a loud voice "CAN YOU SMELL BURNING?"

18. Go to the cockpit, wait a few second, then come back and say in a loud voice, "UMM SHOULD'NT THERE BE...LIKE....A PILOT?"

19. When your on a small, ten person plane, Inform everyone that you used to be an aerodynamic engineer and this plane is VERY badly built.

20. As you get of the plane, look worried and announce loudly" VAIT A MINUTE, VOT IZ ZIS PLACE?! ZIS IZ NOT POLAND, VERE ZE HELL IZ ZIS?!?!?!?

[ams]

[ams]

[Delete This Account]

AMS, Y U SO FUNNY TODAY?

[Adam]

Hahaha they were full of Lols!!!

[ams]

You can't handle my guatemalaness, my natural heat.

[Delete This Account]

Go home already.

[ams]

Go home already.

That's what she said...after...i....finished.....



























painting her house.

with my pen1s....

























shaped paint brush.

all over her face...






















...was the smile she had at my work

as she helped me put it in




























to my pocket was the cash she paid

and i dropped my white load





















of paint in my truck.

[Delete This Account]

I laughed so hard...



























...at your jokes.

[B4TT]

..... I just stuck it in her arse., she loved it.

[ams]

Ahh fark you walts you ruined my story, i was on a roll meow.

..... I just stuck it in her arse., she loved it.

Said the colonic irrigation lady.

[ams]

Colon is a funny word for an anus and a man.

From meow on, anyone named Colin will officially be known as Poo Tract to me.

[Delete This Account]

There's a bloke at work with the last name of Bowles.

[ams]

Poo Tract Bowels.

I shall call him Poop Chute.

Or is poop spelt with an 'e' if it's a person name?

Poope Chute.

[Delete This Account]

I read that as Poop-eh Shoot-eh.

Sounds funnier.