6928 replies to this topic

[Adam]

Horsepower...... I see what you did there

[B4TT]

I thought you were bullshitting me but then I had a look:
http://www.farmmachinerysales.com.au/

The most expensive horse was $18K. That's like TWO Liberty B4's

I reckon you could make the site better if you could compare the different models of horse's out there....you know compare features, horsepower, specs etc.

haha yeah.. site actually used to be called "horsepoint" though, I forgot they consolidated it with that farm one.

[fistaids]

I'm angry... what at, you wonder? Of course you do. I listed an advertisement on Gumtree off the back of that awesome Unicorn one that Iain linked to earlier. My advertisement was for a talking goat that I wanted to purchase. They approved it, and it went live. Then an hour later I get an email saying it's been taken down. Not happy about that I submitted a request to have it reinstated.



I wasn't happy with his response... and I was a little bored... so I wrote him a reply.

Hi Jeff,

Firstly, let's dispense with the formalities. My friends call me Josh, and that's what I'd like to think you are, Jeff, a friend. I assume Jeff is short for "Jeffrey" or some such, and so I extend a hand of gratitude towards you for having taken the initial step in lowering the barrier to friendship between us. Kudos.

There are numerous websites out there dedicated to talking goats, and an array of YouTube videos. Google did not see it inappropriate to continue indexing this content, nor serving it up on their YouTube platform. Google are a pretty serious company, as I'm sure you will agree. Perhaps Gumtree can take a leaf out of Google's book and accept that there are things in nature we just can't explain, such as talking goats, unicorns and the Kardashians.

Further, I find it bizarre that I would be targeted, nay, persecuted because I am attempting to reach out to the masses, your wonderful attentive audience, and ask for a helping hand from somebody out there that has one of these wondrous creatures. One of God's wonderful creatures! The joy I would feel from conversing in witty banter with such an animal is indescribable. We could take holidays together, write poetry and even sing lullabies. I suspect he would probably love the nursery rhyme about the Black Sheep. He probably even knows the first few words already. http://en.wikipedia....aa,_Black_Sheep

Is it not hypocritical that you would find my advertisement inappropriate, yet we force feed our children stories of talking farm yard animals? Do you have children, Jeff? Have you ever sung them the nursery rhyme that I've linked above? If not, surely you were exposed to this nursery rhyme when you were a child. We quite happily advise our children that farmyard animals can talk. Not only this, we tell them that sheep can somehow sheer their own wool, put it in bags of a suitable size (so as not to breach any OH&S legislation) and designate who the recipient shall be (being very careful not to discriminate against little boys who live down ambiguously named lanes).

If we look into it further, we're advising our children that these farmyard animals are capitalist pigs (ironically and tautologously personifying farmyard animals as pigs, I know, but do try to keep up). We're suggesting that the sheep become so greedy they take over the growing/farming of sheep, the sheering, the bagging, the reselling AND the delivery. Talk about not wanting to let anybody else get a bite of the cherry! But, I guess if they've already got the logistics in place they might as well leverage them... am I right? And we know they're 6 inches deep in the posterior of the local royalty, giving them 66% of all wool produced, no doubt at a 'discounted' rate.

Jeff, do you see what you're forcing me to miss out on? A lifetime of happiness! You're effectively banishing me to the pits of hell, to burn and suffer for all eternity... ALONE! Do you know what it's like to be truly alone, Jeff? No-one to talk to. No-one that really 'gets' you? I would guess, judging by your ability to reach out and create friendships so quickly as you have exhibited in our brief exchange, that you have not been so unfortunate as to suffer this fate. I would never wish this torturous experience on anyone, Jeff, and I sure hope you feel the same.

So, I guess what I'm really asking for is a helping hand. Somebody to lean on. Jeff, I'd really like you to be that person, but if you can't fathom reaching out and touching me, perhaps you can reinstate my advertisement so that I may reach out and touch a goat. A goat that, like me, knows what it's really like to be alone. Misunderstood. Dejected. Rejected. Cold.

Yours in much anticipation,

Josh Ellis

I suspect he won't get back to me.

[Hypnotic]

LOL!!!


I just lost my shiz.

[skillionaire]

Is this what I pay my web developer to do all day!?!

[skillionaire]

[AussieTemplar]

Finished 14 hour shift at work at 2am.

Hang with lady friend till 530am.

Sleep for hour.

Start work again at 7am.

Go to year 12 formal at 5pm.

Start work at 7am again with deadly hangover.


Like a boss.

[Shaz]

Screw that Nick. Sounds like you're gunna need no doze or something.

Morning all.

[Alex]

Josh.



I haven't laughed this fcuking hard in a long time...

People at work are looking at me all funny like!!

[B4TT]

Australian temperature as walts put it

Sounds 'ed. Sleep more

[Delete This Account]

Morning lads.

NEW JOSH, HOW U SO CREATIVE?

[Jordan]

Josh, new josh, as I said at the same time yesterday, you're 'ing hilarious.

Never before have I laughed so hard whilst sitting on the toilet.

[Alex]

Josh, new josh, as I said at the same time yesterday, you're 'ing hilarious.

Never before have I laughed so hard whilst sitting on the toilet.

It's better for your bowels to chuckle wholeheartedly whilst pinching off a loaf.

[Jordan]

It's better for your bowels to chuckle wholeheartedly whilst pinching off a loaf.

Well either way, I concluded my morgan session quite successfully.

[Marv]

Companies everywhere must be hating David Thorne. I'd argue that, before Mr Thorne's regular semi-coherent email trails, the public wouldn't have been such cheeky shits to those who provide utilities/services to us. However, these days it's all fair in love and trying to get a talking goat.

Props to Josh for an entertaining read. Boat props. Big ones. Shiny ones. Big shiny ones.

[Adam]

[skillionaire]

Negged for making me read that.

[B4TT]

The response or the original faggotronic guy trying to be a gay romantic bit?

[Adam]

I watched that shitty video you posted!

Also, i did not make you read it, that was your choice

[skillionaire]

Hahahaha, that video is the beginning, middle and end of the innannetz.

Did you like my Mo update?