33 replies to this topic

[Pete S]

Hey guys, I know this is not really the place for this topic, but me and my family don't know where to turn. Basically my brother was diagnosed with depression years ago, I 'KNOW' it was caused by excessive marijuana use. I'm talking 20+ cones a day, plus alcohol and cigarettes. He was on a high dosage of medication and kinda got better, however started smoking pot again maybe 6months ago and has also been drinking a lot of alcohol daily. Meds + Pot + Alcohol is not a good combination. Now he's been suicidal, he always thinks he's right, snaps a lot, aggressive and so on. Basically he's f**ked right up. His wife left and stays with her parents now, had enough of it. Now today he's come back to my parents house, taken his clothes and just moved back into his old bedroom. I'm f**king not happy about this, I will not deal with him doing what he was doing at home but there's not much I can do as he is physically huge and mentally not quite there. He's been to doctors, psychiatrists etc. He went to the psych yesterday and they told him he has to stop smoking, he was not happy about this and he's been real bad since. Going crazy. Obviously not going to stop. Any where we can turn to for help? He has to make a decision for himself to want to get better, obviously he hasn't got the capacity to do this as it's been about 5 years on the medication and smoking/drinking on and off. Cheers,

[L1BER8ED]

not cool champion at all... even tho i can not suggest any form of reasonable solution, i do hope that something positive can come out of it, and he can get his life back on track.

[bLoNde MaFia]

Hmm sounds very extreme, I'm sori 2 hear ur in this situation.
Ok well basically, he isnt going 2 change just b/c psychs say 2. Its up to him 2 change on his own accord. Unfortunately this sounds all too familiar 2 me. Do u kno exactly what drove him 2 drug and alcohol use 2 begin with?

Sometimes ppl in this frame of mind need 2b shocked back in2 a more positive line of thinking, say if he has a child for instance - sometimes when a parent sees how their actions are taking its toll on their children it shocks them back in2 thinking "SHIT - I cant do that 2 my child, I have 2 try and change"
Duz that make ne sense?

I think it would be good for u as a brother to speak 2 him one on one about it and show him how exactly his actions r taking their toll on u and ur family and his relationship with his wife.
U could even do an intervention style discussion with everyone involved.

Talking to psychs about it urself might help u get a strategy and plan on how u can help him get thru this tough time.
Its obvious the drug and alc are his way of dealing with a more painful issue - what that is, I duno, but maybe u need 2 find out deal with that, then the rest may fall in2 place.

Depression isnt always due 2 drug and alc abuse, it's usually the reason they turn 2 it.

Try reading up on it on Y B Blue and I think another is Beyond Blue?
There's alot of useful info and some contacts on there that may help u.

Yet again, I'm so sori u have 2 cope with it - its a tough thing 2 go thru for everyone involved.
*big hugs*

[Pete S]

His group of friends aren't the greatest they all smoke the grass to, some are on ICE. He was always the dropkick at school getting into fights, not going to class and so on. Finished school did an apprenticeship, he was drug dealing for a while. Associating with bikies and other big drug pushers. Apparently got caught by an investigator and had to pay him out something like 60k to keep his mouth shut. So he says, also he's tried just about every drug under the sun. Got married and quit drinking and smoking, he was clean for 3years and was the best anyone has ever seen him. Happy, healthy no mental issues. Then started the pot and yeah. Here we are today. At times he's blamed my parents, more so my dad for disciplinary actions. I don't think that is the root cause, he's just finding excuses. My sister turned out fine, I turned out fine (I think?). I do believe the root cause is drug abuse, he first was diagnosed it after he started his business (too much stress). Having a kid is not realistic, he'll just be another one of the bad parents you see out mt druitt way (massive generalization). We've tried being supportive this whole time. It's past that stage

[Soop]

Feeling for you man. I agree with you, that it sounds like he's making excuses. I've seen a few mate's f*cked up on drugs, and it is only the drugs that caused it. Kelly. While I understand what your saying, I believe that it's not always the case (Re-deeper causes). Sometimes people just don't have the common sense to just not use it. So the problem snow balls.

[bLoNde MaFia]

Wow - massively in the scene isnt he. Hmm.. well if losing a wife isnt gonna change him, then I duno wot is. He's had alotta run ins and any normal minded person would think it's too dangerous 2 continue living that way but not him apparently. I'm from Riff area, I see it everyday. I've never done drugs but plenty of old friends got in2 the scene, I juz preferred 2 stay outta it but I've seen how it detroys a person. A strict up bringing like u said is no excuse 2 turn 2 that way of life. Basically I'd seek some professional help just to help u and ur mum + dad out. I'm sure there is someone on this forum who has a life mirrored to yours and could offer some good advice on the matter aswell. And I agree, hanging out with his "friends" isnt the best influence. If he is willing 2 change then he will make the decision himself, let's hope he snaps one day and decides 2 make a big change for himself and not revert back 2 his old ways again. It will be a long and gradual process though. Sori I cant offer much else depression is an awful thing 2 have, it duz take alot of effort 2 kick urself up the butt and think more positively. It's not something u juz wake up and think "Oh I'm cured". It's not juz having a "blue/down" day, those days turn in2 weeks and months and like I can see in ur story, years even. Everyone copes with depression in their own way it's juz sad that his way is hurting him more, and ur fam. What I'm saying Soop is sometimes it's catch 22. I put "usually". I'd imagine drugs + alc = depression, depression = more drugs + alc. Ppl sometimes blame an outer factor for the cause of depression, instead of blaming the illness 2 start with. Now I've read what Pete's said, he wasnt like it 2 start with.

[Soop]

Yeah fair enough Kelly. Just regarding what you said about depression. From what I've read/heard from doctors. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. So i don't think it's really a case of "Kicking yourself in the backside" or "Just thinking positively". The imbalance needs to be corrected before that's possible. Depression is becoming a quiet wide spread disease. What is it about modern life that perpetuates it? I'm not having a dig at you Kelly, more just putting that out there. As from experience a lot of people miss-understand what depression actually is. *Note: I'm no doctor (duh!), so what i just said may not be 100% factually correct.

[bLoNde MaFia]

Look Soop, ur obviously not reading wot I'm typing.
I said it It's not something u juz wake up and think "Oh I'm cured". It's not juz having a "blue/down" day, those days turn in2 weeks and months and like I can see in ur story, years even

I'll put it out there and admit it, I suffered with depression. Ur right it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, basically ur seretone levels are all over the place. I kno that outiside factors can trigger that aswell. In my case it was my illness which brought me down the depression path, that and ppl in my life. I've dealt wiv it daily, what I am saying Soop is it is not up 2 anyone but Pete's bro 2 seek help and help himself. If he wants help, he will listen 2 therapists, seek drug and alc detox/councelling or something like that.

When ppl told me, u think I'd listen? It wasnt until I saw a family that loss their child 2 suicide and heard/saw how it effected them and put myself in their position. Sure, ppl told me 2 "snap out of it and put myself in their place" b4 but wasnt until I saw it 1st hand that it hit home. I didnt change straight away, was a gradual struggle which I took on myself. I acted 2 everyone else I was the happiest person on earth, but deep down I was much the opposite. Only my direct fam could see how I really was.
Certain medication I had 2 take for my health related illness me made me worse, they brought me down something chronic. When I got off them, I was a clearer thinker - sure still had that tendency but some medications make the situation worse.

Hmm.. feels weird 2 admit that on a public forum....

[XXB4XX]

Dude, I lost my cousin to this, it was one of the hardest things for me dude, His dad found him hanging from the rafters in his workshop, he ended up taking the easy way out.. It farked me up real good as I was really close to him. What im trying to say is, Please keep an eye on him man.. don't let anyhting stupid happen. As in talking to him, thats hard, cause he is in his own way and won't want to listen.. Depression is a massive thing dude, but remember your treading on a fine line, don't do anything drastic, or keep pushing till he snaps. So sorry your going through this, but this is all I have for you for now Pete. I had another cousin in this situation.. wrong crowd, drug scene, a name known by all cops.. his parents shipped him to Maco for 3 months, no drugs, no friends, just relo's and farms! (villiage folk), and believ it or not, He came back as a health freak, now married with a little girl, runs his own courier company and now into trucking.. making about 300k a year with 10+ vans and 3+ trucks.. Love ya. and Kellz, nothing wrong woth admitting it dude, your the slight few that got past it mate, well done. pps.. Pete if ya wanna chat, let me know dude.

[bLoNde MaFia]

Aw That's awful Brendan. That's true. I agree wiv u there in it's a fine line.. u dont wanna push the point. That's a tragic story, man. Sorry 2 hear that. As for ur other cousin, thats so good And thanku *hugs* Juz feels weird sayin it.. that's all.

[XXB4XX]

Aw That's awful Brendan.
That's true. I agree wiv u there in it's a fine line.. u dont wanna push the point.
That's a tragic story, man. Sorry 2 hear that.

As for ur other cousin, thats so good

Thanks Kells,

It been 5 years now, April 5th.. never forget it man..

My car was in his workshop at the time too (panel beater), I couldn't go in there for weeks to get my own car.. so I sent my other cuz to go get it for me.. sold it pretty much straight after..

Had 400+ people at the funeral, and police escort as he was in the racing scene and they allowed a convoy of extrmemely over done cars out on the road with permission from the boys in blue.. that day made me also realise another level of respect for the cops, they were great about it.. his brother inlaw / business partner, fixed the race car so he can take it with him.. we are talking about a 8.9sec torana that they built together,

[Soop]

Sorry Kelly, It wasn't that i didn't read it. It just I didn't word my post correctly. I have an immediate family member suffering a similar thing. So I understand to a degree what your saying.

[Pete S]

thanks Brendan, that was Peco (peter) wasn't it. I think I spoke to you about him before. Well my brother was associating with all those boys. They're all my numko's friends. It's a shame people choose that path in life. Very hard dealing with it, tied in with my current financial status my life has been in the pits in the past few months. Have been ill for a whole month and still not getting better, it's affecting my performance and motivation at work.

[bLoNde MaFia]

Thats ok Soop, It's a thing I think everyone goes thru in their life whether it be themselves, a family member or friend. Everyone knows someone with it. I'm juz throwing a personal perspective on it, but that's my take on my situation. Pete's bros a different one all 2gether. I juz hope it duznt come 2 the thing as Brend's cuz That's so upsetting.. But that's an amazing send off Brendan, I'm sure he'd have been extremely happy looking down on that 400+ WoW!!!

[XXB4XX]

thanks Brendan, that was Peco (peter) wasn't it. I think I spoke you to you about him before. Well my brother was associating with all those boys. They're all my numko's friends.

It's a shame people choose that path in life.

Thats him brother.. that is definately him..

So thats why im telling you man, please be careful Pete..

as I said, if you need to chat, I been here for the other forum boys, and more than happy to be there for you too man

[Pete S]

Brendan it's now to the point he will say something and you agree, then he'll totally do a 180 and contradict himself then get agro that you thought... what he thought 1minute ago. It's crazy

[XXB4XX]

Brendan it's now to the point he will say something and you agree, then he'll totally do a 180 and contradict himself then get agro that you thought... what he thought 1minute ago. It's crazy

I dunno Pete.. I dunno..

I don't know what your gonna do man.. he's tried a few avenues, and as seen, it hasn't been all the best in helping..

You can always call those Life-line peeps, and ask for advice?

[bLoNde MaFia]

I dunno Pete.. I dunno..

I don't know what your gonna do man.. he's tried a few avenues, and as seen, it hasn't been all the best in helping..

You can always call those Life-line peeps, and ask for advice?

Yeh I think thats a good option. I'm sure theres a number u can call on that YB blue / Beyond Blue site. They hear these scenarios everyday

[Mav]

Sorry to hear bout this pete, as others have said let us know if you need a chat or just get away for a drive and a few drinks later on. i've dealt with loss and that before as said by brendan its something you never forget. sometimes you just need to talk about whats happening and going on. Pete, i think its great you've seen this as a place you can put your thoughts out and not be affraid to ask for help. well done buddy. and thanks for putting your side of the story out there Kellie, gives another side of the story. Glad you are here today