8905 replies to this topic

[Cam.]

A bit of a read, Pretty good.

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me.

[Harry88]

It'll work, Bro.

Kinder suprise gag is awesome.

Did it work with your mrs? lol






Just kidding! She seems like a real catch

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

Good read! I had a lol

[Cam.]

I gave the Sam the old: Yeah, Nah. When actually I meant: Sign me up!

Worked a treat.

[B4TT]

OH MY ! that is the worst thing I have ever seen done to a Porsche. Some people should be shot, revived and shot again.

[nickknack]

[Samwise]

Just watched this weeks GoT.. awesome!

[Hypnotic]

Just watched this weeks GoT.. awesome!

Hey....that's great!

[ams]

I need a hobby!

Masturbation more of a passtime Ash?

Just watched this weeks GoT.. awesome!

No shit. Was a good one this week eh.

Hello all.

I am dilemma.

Do I;

• Take a payrise/new job title but stay stressed, long hours (12+ at least a few times a week) and lots more on-call.
• Take a pay cut (~$4k'ish) and go to a quieter place, local govt job, 9 day fortnight and less stress, no on call etc.

Help.

[Hypnotic]

Masturbation more of a passtime Ash?

Pretty much, plus it doesn't keep me occupied for long.

I am dilemma.

Do I;

• Take a payrise/new job title but stay stressed, long hours (12+ at least a few times a week) and lots more on-call.
• Take a pay cut (~$4k'ish) and go to a quieter place, local govt job, 9 day fortnight and less stress, no on call etc.

Help.

The question should be, what would YOU prefer to do?

I remember you saying that you don't really want to be so stressed out if you move up in your current job. Plus didn't the missus just score a decent paying job?
Time for you to sit back and relax.

[ams]

Plus didn't the missus just score a decent paying job?

'ing facebook man.

Trues to all those things.

I guess the other deciding factor is the quieter job is literally a 10 minute walk from my house as opposed to at least 2-2.5 hour commute each day.

I think this is something I will do.

[Hypnotic]

'ing facebook man.

Trues to all those things.

I guess the other deciding factor is the quieter job is literally a 10 minute walk from my house as opposed to at least 2-2.5 hour commute each day.

I think this is something I will do.

Yep good old FB, also if the quieter job is closer to work, you can walk there ya fatty.

[ams]

the quieter job is closer to work home

[Hypnotic]

Whatever!

[ams]

Also, how's this for a killer 'ing lap!!!

Y NO LIFT? (is that right adam?)

http://youtu.be/pTS0qM7BJ6s

[Hypnotic]

Thats a killer lap alright.

Well it just struck midnight! bed time.

[ams]

On edge the entire lap, skims those walls so closely, amazing.

Atom.

[ams]

Shit be cool.

What happens when you have a wet 'wash cloth' and wring it out in space?

Coolness, that's what.

[nickknack]

Wow that lap was 'ing awesome

[Morgan]

Alex, I'd take the close to home, stress free job.

We had to make the same decision 6 months ago. Katie took a $15k pay cut (not including the bonuses and extras she was offered when she handed in her resignation!) to work closer to home with zero stress.

Have never looked back. It has changed our lives! Money is only money. No one gets to the end of their life and wishes they spent more time at work...

[ams]

I do agree Morgs only concern is being in the IT industry and working with such a large client at the moment I'll be sacrificing a lot of industry contacts and knowledge.

Something I need to weigh up but Ive mostly decided close to home and stress free is for me for a while at least.